Hey, guys. Tim Howell here. BRAVES FAN and OPTIMISTIC MAN!! That’s me. So what say we dispense with all the negativity for a little while. I thought I’d pop over and cheer everybody up — in the midst of this 4-11 start, which is only less than 10 percent of the season. That’s nothing! Anyway, […]Read More Open Thread, 4.22, Hello, #Braves fans, I’m Tim Howell
You might be asking yourself, “Self, where’s Duane been? We ain’t heard from that smart, handsome fucker in a long time.” You’d be right! But here I am, in Whorelando–ha, really Orlando–of all places. I’ll fill you in on how I got here in a minute. It’s a not really that long of a story. […]Read More Duane checks in from the Mouse/Open Thread Aug. 14, #Braves vs. Serpents
Remember Dave? Condescending. Ill tempered. Moussed-up ‘do that looked like Afalfa’s from The Little Rascals. (Assuming Dave used a picture of himself with his disapproving comments.) He had the gall to show up at the Office’s recent 10th anniversary gala at the Fox Theater in Midtown Atlanta. Fortunately, Duane, a frequent target of Dave’s digital […]Read More Office’s 10th Anniversary Gala Goes Awry
Hey, peeeeps. Sorry if I have a few more typos than usual in this article. I’m recovering and I ain’t quite right yet. What are you recovering from, Duane? Good question. I got my ass kicked by a trucker after I viideoed him getting a blow job from a Mexican whore at the truck stop […]Read More Duane checks in as he recuperates from a beating
By Tim Howell A wise man — or let’s say person, for you gals out there! — once told me that when you frown, you frown alone. But when you smile, the world smiles with you! 😉 How about that! Which brings me to our eager, young 2015 Bravos. Like all of you, I’ve read […]Read More Enough with all this Gloomy Gus Business!
The Office has obtained internal documents detailing blockbuster promotional plans for inaugurating SunTrust Park on the outskirts of Smyrna. We used the Freedom of Made-up Information Act to get our hands on this gold. A few highlights: Fergit Hell Night! In the shadow of Kennesaw Mountain, Confederate reenactors and belles in hoop skirts will cavort […]Read More Welcome to Cobb County, Braves fans!
By Duane From Forest Park Do you hate bosses as much as I do? Get this. Few nights ago, I’m stocking shelves at the porno video store on 75 south where I been workin for a few months now — dildo manager kept promising me he’d make me assistant night manager (lots of dudes rent […]Read More #Braves aren’t only ones on a losing streak
First off, I didn’t know there was a word that’s the same as Big Ol Hangdog Harang’s last name. Headline writers. Bunch of pointy-headed dorks. Speaking of loser nerds, I see where the so-called sabre math geeks are crapping all over my boy Aaron Harang. Gives up too many fly balls, their computers tell em. […]Read More Duane’s Harang Harangue
And welcome back to me, I guess. I won’t bore y’all with the whole story, but let’s just say I got fired from the Starship Satellite location up in White County. Yeah, I was north side for a while. My pansy ass boss thought me taking a few nitrous cartridges for myself was somehow a […]Read More Duane says, “Welcome back, Danny Uggs!”
For more inane musings, follow @BlackLarryKing on Twitter If time begins on Opening Day, where does it spend the offseason? They should tell you this stuff! … He may have been nicknamed “The Cobra,” but the great Dave Parker tells me he’s deathly afraid of snakes … If there’s a better broadcaster than John Sterling, […]Read More @BlackLarryKing’s Spring Training Things
Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Where in the hell do I start? OK. The Braves took a jackhammer to my heart and soul again. And I’m so confused and hurt and angry. I’m angry at Frede and the team, and I think I’m even angrier at the media and other people who are angry and downing my […]Read More Duane is in crisis
In honor of Adam Wainwright’s latest gem … a new dispatch from Hahira: Sorry it’s been so long since my last column. That bruised knuckle took two years to heal, though it still ain’t right, especially when it’s cold outside. And winter’s coming. But at least the ‘Noles are winning. Stephen’s real worried about missing […]Read More J.D. Drew’s Diary returns (retirement edition)
I see where Mr. Frank Spin, um I mean Wren, is telling Mark Bradford from the local outlet that everything is just fine. Might be the best team he’s put together. One question for Mr. Spin. Has he watched the first two ballgames? Yo, Frank. We’re 0-2, big man. Made a shitpot of errors yesterday […]Read More Duane checks in
World Net Daily recently published a fawning piece on the persecuted ex-Brave John Rocker. In the article, the former closer shares his views on subjects such as immigration reform, the national debt and the general direction of the country. We also learn that Rocker was banished from baseball because that Sports Illustrated writer tricked him […]Read More A chat with former Brave Lonnie Smith
Yeah, I know. I can hear all y’all smart fellas now. “Come on, now, Duane, it’s just spring training. They ain’t even really trying to win. The capital of Iran and Of the Cat are just kids. Couple of bad innings. Wind was blowing out. Blah. blah, freakin blah.” Any of y’all ever strapped it […]Read More Big win today
Fellas, I’m writing with a heavy heart. And I ain’t talking about Frank Wren trying to trade away Marty Prado and JJ Jurgens for some dadgum modern-day Mike Lum. Naw. Some of you might know I was still hoping to patch things up with Brenda. (I still love ya, baby!) Looks like it ain’t gonna happen, […]Read More Duane checks in, and it ain’t a happy new year
Sox personnel were baffled as to why J.D. Drew played so little in September with a minor knuckle fracture. I thought the BoSox braintrust was supposed to be smart. How could anyone be surprised by J.D.’s unwillingness to play through a minor boo-boo?Read More Inspiration for J.D.’s diary
1. Bill Campbell/Munson Steed Olympic Street Vending Night. Remember during the 1996 Games, when our disgraced former mayor gave his pal a sweetheart deal to turn downtown into a giant flea market just in time for the whole world to see it? I loved the Olympics overall. It was a hell of a lot of […]Read More Future Braves promotions
Hey, y’alls. It’s Hal. Why no exclamation sensation at the end of that sentence? Well, I have some sad news. For me, anyhow. Be that as it may — I loves that expression:) — I’m going to stay positive! Like I always do:) But might as well get to it, here, and get this over with. I […]Read More You won’t have me to kick around anymore
Hey, fellas, and gals. Is there a form of fella to apply to the ladies? I really don’t know. My name is Hal Phellis. I’m new to this webloggin’ thing, so you guys bear with me, OK?:) First thing you need to know about me is I love my Bravos!!!! (PS I always say Bravos because it’s fun!) […]Read More It’s that time again!!