Open Thread, Sept. 8, Duane Weighs in on Current State of #Braves

By Duane From Forest Park

Wassup, bitches?!

Enough small talk.

Biggest run difference since 1647. Most losses in a month since Sherman burned Atlanta in the War of Northern Aggression.


I don’t need no damn stats. This is the worst Braves team I’ve ever seen. I was going to put a period between every word of that last sentence. But even I’ve gotten sick of that shit. It ain’t really all that impactful! Stupid word my prissy ass college graduate manager used the other day. Yeah, I’m still working on the ground crew at Disney properties in central Fla. For now. I’m looking for a place with room to move up. I can start out waving a sign outside Chuck E Cheese for minimum wage. It’s hot but I get to wear a costume. It’ll be Halloween every day!

Back to our Bravos. I mean, a rebuild is a rebuild. But this is like the Hiroshima Plan. I damn sure hope Mr. Heart and Mr. Coppafeela know what they’re doing. Good to see Hector Oliver hit the ball last night. Is he Al’s son? I remember he wore number zero, if I ain’t mistaken. Good hitter. Maybe Hector can be as good as his old man.

I tell you what, though. I believe your average church league softball pitcher could do better than Ross Detwalker. He ought to be spreading mulch and picking up poodle shit down here with me. Oh, where have you gone Trey Hodges? Jeff Bennett? James Parr? Lance Cormier? Hell, those guys were the Nasty Boys compared to this crew they’ve saddled Fredi with the second half of this season. I’ve had better pitches on the front porch from a bunch of Jehovah’s Witnesses, for hell’s sake!

One bit of news that I guess ain’t all bad: looks like the Braves might’ve given up on Christian Bethanfart. His play was un-Christian. Guy makes you miss Jody Davis and Mike Heath. Wow. Let’s hope the rest of our so-called prospects don’t turn out to be such suspects. They were as wrong about unchristian as Brad Komminsk. Sad, really. But it’s a sad season. AJ’s backstopping tonight:

Markakis, Olivera, Freeman, Pierzynski, Swisher, Peterson, Simmons, Bourn CF, Weber. Weber’s been good at Mississippi and Buford this year, mostly as a reliever. He was the 658th pick in the 2009 draft. Good for him for getting a shot in the Bigs. If ever there’s a chance for a 658th pick to stick a while, this would be it.



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