A chat with former Brave Lonnie Smith

World Net Daily recently published a fawning piece on the persecuted ex-Brave John Rocker. In the article, the former closer shares his views on subjects such as immigration reform, the national debt and the general direction of the country.

We also learn that Rocker was banished from baseball because that Sports Illustrated writer tricked him into ranting about blacks, Asians, Asian women

A hell of a ball player

drivers, gay people, New Yorkers, young single moms, and assorted others who make the world less pleasant for John Rocker. His 6 ERA, and 6 walks per 9 IP over his last three big league seasons — not to mention his 6.50 ERA and 2.50 WHIP with the Long Island Ducks — aparently had little to do with his exit from the game.

Anyway, we thought we’d discuss the state of the world with another eccentric ex-Brave.

Rowland’s Office: Lonnie, thanks for your time.

Lonnie: Yeah. I don’t talk to many white folks.

RO: Rowland is actually black. But I’m not him.

Lonnie: Rowland who?

RO: OK. Let’s get right to it.

Lonnie: Right to what?

RO: What do you think is the biggest issue in the next presidential election? And a related question, should the National League adopt the DH, or should MLB kill it outright? 

Lonnie: Yeah, I thought about killing that mother fucker with the suspenders. Election? I think income inequality and some other fundamental questions about our nation’s economy are critical to the future. The DH? Three-time World Series Champion Lonnie Smith loves to hit. 

RO: What about the future of capitalism?

Lonnie: Well, we need to have a substantive debate about what kind of capitalism we want, you know? Managerial capitalism, or entrepreneurial capitalism, or worker capitalism, or some hybrid of all types. I do think we are in danger of further separating the country into long-term haves and have-nots. When people feel like they’ve fallen out of the system, and feel that the system doesn’t give them a fair shake, while they see Wall Street types making millions a year and getting bailed out by the Congress, it creates some dangerous feelings of disaffection and disconnectedness. People feel like the system is stacked against them. They withdraw and don’t participate. That’s bad
for democracy and the civic life of the nation and of our communities. 

RO: Wow.

Lonnie: Fuck, yeah. And I’m not sure big corporations and wealthy individuals should be able to bankroll elections. That’s not good for participatory democracy either. I fear that we have parties in this country that are quietly undermining our public institutions, at all levels, in the name of the free market. That is not good.

RO: Lonnie, what have you been doing lately?

Lonnie: None of your goddamn business.

RO: Lonnie, thanks again for your time. It’s been fascinating.

Lonnie: Get the hell off my porch.


17 thoughts on “A chat with former Brave Lonnie Smith

  1. I was at a game recently and my companion, a longtime AL fan who is an endless evangelical for the DH, pretty much had me convinced in a moment of weakness. Who the hell wants to see pitchers come to bat in the middle of a potential rally? Closer to home, what if all Chipper had to do was bat, instead of getting maimed by hard grounders that he can’t deflect? I’m evolving on the DH, much like the president.

    As for Lonnie Smith? Fuck you, Skates. If you hadn’t been deked by a rookie in the ’91 series we might’ve truly been a dynasty.

  2. Chuck Knoblauch, robber baron capitalist, deceiver of the free market and of Lonie Smith.

  3. If Lonnie hadn’t stepped up like he did after Otis got himself suspended the Braves wouldn’t have been in the ’91 World Series. He had a .910 OPS with three homers in that World Series — exactly three more homers than Shef and Just Disabled had in their postseason careers w. the Braves.

  4. Lonnie giveth, and Lonnie taketh away. It’s funny how in retrospect he seems the villain more than Otis, who really let the team down more. Both were not unfamiliar with the Peruvian marching powder, as I recall. I wish you hadn’t mentioned Sheffield. That made me throw up in my mouth. Remember the slumber party he had with Barry Bonds during the playoffs. Ack.

  5. Personally, I save my “Fuck you”s for people like Knoblauch (last seen trying to pick up young girls on the subway by bragging about his career), his fellow cheater Hrbek, cuddly teddy bear/attempted rapist Kirby Puckett, teen molester Chad Curtis, automobile killer Jim Leyritz, hypocrite self aggrandizer Curt Schilling, business genius/ happy ending demander Lenny Dykstra and all of the psychos on the ’84 Padres.

    But that’s just me.

  6. There is a supposition in Rankin’Rob’s thesis that more offense is better. I disagree. The steroid era in fact was bad for the game.

    Conversely, why stop at just one DH? Got a great defensive catcher who can’t hit a lick? DH for him, too! Ditto for Mario Mendoza at shortstop. Hell, why not one team to hit, and another to play the field? Where is the logic in exempting only the pitcher?

    Baseball became the National Pastime without the DH.

    Ask Tom Glavine how proud he is of all those successful sacrifice bunts.

  7. Offense does not equal steroids, at least it didn’t to teams like the 27 Yankees or mid seventies Reds teams. As a long suffering Braves fan I will stipulate that offense IS better. Lack of it hasn’t done us much good over the years. Glavine had to pitch a 1-0 shutout to win our only modern Series.

  8. Baseball also became the national pastime with all white rosters, the reserve clause, flannel uniforms and no batting helmets.

  9. You really are equating the adoption of the designated hitter with the end of Jim Crow?

  10. I’m only equating it with better baseball. Who would you rather see coming to bat–Tommy Hanson or Eric Hinske?

  11. No. I’m not really equating anything with anything. I’m simply making the point that as great as Baseball was and is, there is always room for improvement.

  12. It will be interesting to see if Chipper is a nearly unanimous first ballot Hall of Famer. By all appearances he is untainted by steroids, and should benefit from that in the eyes of the codgers keeping the gate.

  13. Chipper is a first ballot Hall of Famer. Best left-handed swing I have ever seen. Better than Billy Williams. Better than Tony Oliva.

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