JD Drew’s offseason diary returns

If you don’t have anything nice to say, might as well rip ‘ol JD:

I like sitting.

Hey fellow Christians, it’s ol’ JD. Been awhile, I know, but last time I wrote one of these my fingers got all cramped up and I couldn’t read my Bible for weeks. I got me one of them Kimbles for Christmas so now I don’t have to flip pages. Them gilded edges can give you some nasty paper cuts, and I don’t need to tell you how much those smart.

Ol’ JD is feeling a little neglected down here in Hahira. Young Einstein went and paid a ton of money to Carl Carlton to play LF and then traded for some dude named Adrian. I don’t mind guys getting paid — why else play the game? But I was really hoping to DH a lot this year, and with David Ordonez coming back it looks like I’ll be back out in the field.

I was thinking about retiring but Mr. Scott told me they don’t have to pay me if I do that. Typical horse manure from the owners. Never mind I played 139 games last year. Fergit that I drove in 68 runs, the most since I’ve been in Boston. You’d think I’d get a raise, but no!

At least we didn’t make the playoffs. They don’t give you a bonus for playing extra games, which that weird Peter Gannon fella said will probably happen in 2011. Great.

Don’t be expecting me to kill himself like I did last year. I’m gonna be retiring soon anyway so what can they do? Like Jesus, ol’ JD believes in evening the score.

Not that I’ll get any rest once I hang up the spikes. I plan on volunteering for Governor Palin when she runs for president. Make a personal appearance or two. Like Gov. Palin, I know how it is to be persecuted.

Plus Mrs. JD is making noise about wanting to take a cruise to the Holy Lands, but I get seasick real easy and I don’t like changing time zones. And correct me if I’m wrong but aren’t there a lot Islams over there? Maybe I’ll just take her to Golden Corral instead.

Well, I better get going. Tim and Stephen and I are going over to Valdosta to see that Fockers movie. I know, that title ain’t very Christian but the first two were pretty funny. My body is really aching and now my fingers are cramping up. I could use a laugh, but I gotta be careful ’cause last time I got really tickled I bruised a rib.

Yours in Christ,
Ol’ JD

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4 thoughts on “JD Drew’s offseason diary returns

  1. Be careful at the movies. The butter on the popcorn can make yer cotton pickn’ hands slip’ry and sticky and you might bust up a finger or a shoulder gettin outta yer seat.

    God Bless

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