JD Drew’s offseason diary returns

If you don’t have anything nice to say, might as well rip ‘ol JD:

I like sitting.

Hey fellow Christians, it’s ol’ JD. Been awhile, I know, but last time I wrote one of these my fingers got all cramped up and I couldn’t read my Bible for weeks. I got me one of them Kimbles for Christmas so now I don’t have to flip pages. Them gilded edges can give you some nasty paper cuts, and I don’t need to tell you how much those smart.

Ol’ JD is feeling a little neglected down here in Hahira. Young Einstein went and paid a ton of money to Carl Carlton to play LF and then traded for some dude named Adrian. I don’t mind guys getting paid — why else play the game? But I was really hoping to DH a lot this year, and with David Ordonez coming back it looks like I’ll be back out in the field.

I was thinking about retiring but Mr. Scott told me they don’t have to pay me if I do that. Typical horse manure from the owners. Never mind I played 139 games last year. Fergit that I drove in 68 runs, the most since I’ve been in Boston. You’d think I’d get a raise, but no!

At least we didn’t make the playoffs. They don’t give you a bonus for playing extra games, which that weird Peter Gannon fella said will probably happen in 2011. Great.

Don’t be expecting me to kill himself like I did last year. I’m gonna be retiring soon anyway so what can they do? Like Jesus, ol’ JD believes in evening the score.

Not that I’ll get any rest once I hang up the spikes. I plan on volunteering for Governor Palin when she runs for president. Make a personal appearance or two. Like Gov. Palin, I know how it is to be persecuted.

Plus Mrs. JD is making noise about wanting to take a cruise to the Holy Lands, but I get seasick real easy and I don’t like changing time zones. And correct me if I’m wrong but aren’t there a lot Islams over there? Maybe I’ll just take her to Golden Corral instead.

Well, I better get going. Tim and Stephen and I are going over to Valdosta to see that Fockers movie. I know, that title ain’t very Christian but the first two were pretty funny. My body is really aching and now my fingers are cramping up. I could use a laugh, but I gotta be careful ’cause last time I got really tickled I bruised a rib.

Yours in Christ,
Ol’ JD



  1. Be careful at the movies. The butter on the popcorn can make yer cotton pickn’ hands slip’ry and sticky and you might bust up a finger or a shoulder gettin outta yer seat.

    God Bless

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