Greetings, fellow Christians. Ol’ JD here, writing to you even though I’m in excruciating pain. Well, I’m not really typing, just dictating to brother Tim.
As you might have read it’s been a tough spring for Ol’ JD. On Saturday some dude pitching for the Pittsburgh Penguins plunked me on the hand. It hurts so dang bad. Doc diagnosed it as a contusion, but I think it’s probably broken.
Earlier in the spring my glove hand was aching something awful. I had to sit out for two weeks — probably came back too soon. My back’s been acting up, too. I think it’s ’cause they work us so hard in Spring Training.
And now they want us to work even more. For free. They asked me to play in this World Baseball thing, which I had never even heard of. I asked one simple question: How much you gonna pay me? Nothing, they said. I was outraged.
I asked Mr. Scott to file a grievance, but he said that wasn’t a good idea. He said people might question my patriotism.
Can you believe that? Heck, I voted for Bush twice. I woulda voted for Sarah Palin if she had been running for president, but I wasn’t gonna risk hurting my back pulling the lever for that McKay guy. He’s too liberal for ‘Ol JD.
Anyway, I told Mr. Scott that no one loves their country more than me. “Have You Forgotten” is my favorite song, after “God Bless the U.S.A.” of course. And I’m reading Glenn Beck’s new book, even though I don’t like books. I just don’t think a man should do something for free. I mean, they pay the troops, don’t they?
Tim says we’re playing the Japanese tonight. All I gotta say is Remember 9/11!
Well, I guess I better get back to rehabbing. They say I should be ready by Opening Day, but this cut on my pinkie is looking really bad. It might be May before I feel good enough to play. That’d work out good, ’cause April in Boston is too cold for Ol’ JD. I swear I got frostbite last year, but, competitor that I am, I finished the inning.
Now if you’ll excuse me Tim and I are heading to Golden Corral for all-you-can-eat fried shrimp. In tough times like these we try to stick to buffets. I even tried to cook once, in one of those Fry Daddies, but some hot grease popped out and burned my forearm. I had to go to the emergency room and everything. They said it wasn’t serious, but doctors always say that.
Yours in Christ,