This is the Melky we remember

Toronto made some big moves this offseason, all of which have failed miserably.

Besides the trades for R.A. Dickey, Jose Reyes and Josh Johnson, there was the signing of Melky Cabrera to a two-year, $16 million contract.

Cabrera is hitting .236 with a .280 OBP and .276 slugging percentage after Saturday’s loss to the Mariners, dropping the Jays to 10-21. He has ONE extra base hit.

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The 20 worst A-Braves players: #4 Melky Cabrera

I’m not going to try and convince you that Melky Cabrera was worse than, say, Sugar Bear Blanks. But there were few Braves as lazy and ineffectual as Wide Leche.

When the Braves acquired Cabrera I was under the delusion that he was one of those players you appreciate the more you saw play, a guy who would fill in capably all over the outfield, steal a few bases, hit a few homers, et al.

Instead the Cabrera we saw was out of shape, a liability on defense, punchless at the plate and a clod on the bases. And he didn’t seem to give a damn.

Granted, Melky probably would not be on this list if not for his antics last July at The Ted.

CD posted about it the day after, demonstrating some rare prescience:

The guy acts like he’s going to toss baseballs to the fans, and then doesn’t. Like some smart ass 13-year-old, he taunts Heyward to run to third. He cadillacs out of the box after hitting a ball that nearly scraped the top of the wall on its way out. …

Of course, never mind that he has decided to take the game seriously only after being in the big leagues for several years. I hope he blows a hammy or loses 100 points off his batting average by the end of the season. Maybe he’ll get busted for ‘roids. I wouldn’t be surprised.

Plan B

Three under-the-radar suggestions for the LF/3B void. None are ideal, as Plan B’s are wont to be.

Jed Lowrie: It’s hard to get a read on the former Red Sox prospect, who has struggled with injuries throughout his career. But when healthy he’s shown flashes of becoming a solid major leaguer with developing power.

The switch-hitter clubbed a career-best 16 homers last season in 97 games (another career-high) with Houston, getting on base at a decent .331 clip. Lowrie will be 28 on Opening Day and is two years removed from free agency. He was awful against southpaws last year but has a .848 OPS vs. lefties for his career. At worst he could platoon with Francisco, making for a high-risk but potentially high-reward platoon.

Eric Young Jr.: He, too, has battled injuries but showed signs of becoming a top-of-the-order threat in 2012, batting .316 with a .377 OBP and 14 steals in 98 games. Forget about his Rockies teammate, Dexter Fowler; Colorado asked for Minor and Delgado in return.

David DeJesus: Unlike Lowrie and Young you know what you’re getting with DeJesus. Last year he hit .263 with a .350 OBP, 28 doubles, 8 triples and 9 HR, a shade below his career averages. DeJesus, 33, is the player we thought Melky Cabrera was when he came to Atlanta. The comparisons end there.

He’s due only $4.25 million next year with an affordable team option for 2014. He certainly qualifies as one of those “Caliparis” FW recently mentioned.

The 20 worst A-Braves (non-pitcher edition)

Best/worst lists are not beneath the Office. We’ve plumbed these depths many times before.

Surprisingly, we’ve never counted down the all-time worst Braves.

Here’s a partial list of contenders (non-pitchers only). I’ve left out too many to count, so your nominations are welcome.

  • Damaso Garcia
  • Corky Miller
  • Ken Caminiti
  • Greg Norton
  • Pat Rockett
  • Melky Cabrera
  • Matt Young
  • Julio Lugo
  • Chris Woodward
  • Mike Hessman
  • Rey Sanchez
  • Jordan Schafer
  • Jody Davis

It’s a long offseason.