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Welcome to Cobb County, Braves fans!

September 19, 2014 // 4 Comments

The Office has obtained internal documents detailing blockbuster promotional plans for inaugurating SunTrust Park on the outskirts of Smyrna. We used the Freedom of Made-up Information Act to get our hands on this gold. A few highlights: Fergit Hell Night! In the shadow of Kennesaw Mountain, [...]

#Braves aren’t only ones on a losing streak

August 8, 2014 // 1 Comment

By Duane From Forest Park Do you hate bosses as much as I do? Get this. Few nights ago, I’m stocking shelves at the porno video store on 75 south where I been workin for a few months now — dildo manager kept promising me he’d make me assistant night manager (lots of dudes rent [...]

Duane’s Harang Harangue

April 25, 2014 // 5 Comments

First off, I didn’t know there was a word that’s the same as Big Ol Hangdog Harang’s last name. Headline writers. Bunch of pointy-headed dorks. Speaking of loser nerds, I see where the so-called sabre math geeks are crapping all over my boy Aaron Harang. Gives up too many fly [...]

Duane says, “Welcome back, Danny Uggs!”

February 26, 2014 // 0 Comments

And welcome back to me, I guess. I won’t bore y’all with the whole story, but let’s just say I got fired from the Starship Satellite location up in White County. Yeah, I was north side for a while. My pansy ass boss thought me taking a few nitrous cartridges for myself was somehow [...]

@BlackLarryKing’s Spring Training Things

February 20, 2014 // 0 Comments

For more inane musings, follow @BlackLarryKing on Twitter If time begins on Opening Day, where does it spend the offseason? They should tell you this stuff! … He may have been nicknamed “The Cobra,” but the great  Dave Parker tells me he’s deathly afraid of snakes … If there’s a better [...]

Duane is in crisis

October 10, 2013 // 17 Comments

Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Where in the hell do I start? OK. The Braves took a jackhammer to my heart and soul again. And I’m so confused and hurt and angry. I’m angry at Frede and the team, and I think I’m even angrier at the media and other people who are angry and downing my [...]

J.D. Drew’s Diary returns (retirement edition)

October 10, 2013 // 3 Comments

In honor of Adam Wainwright’s latest gem … a new dispatch from Hahira: Sorry it’s been so long since my last column. That bruised knuckle took two years to heal, though it still ain’t right, especially when it’s cold outside. And winter’s coming. But at least the [...]

Duane checks in

February 24, 2013 // 7 Comments

I see where Mr. Frank Spin, um I mean Wren, is telling Mark Bradford from the local outlet that everything is just fine. Might be the best team he’s put together. One question for Mr. Spin. Has he watched the first two ballgames? Yo, Frank. We’re 0-2, big man. Made a shitpot of errors [...]

A chat with former Brave Lonnie Smith

May 31, 2012 // 17 Comments

World Net Daily recently published a fawning piece on the persecuted ex-Brave John Rocker. In the article, the former closer shares his views on subjects such as immigration reform, the national debt and the general direction of the country. We also learn that Rocker was banished from baseball [...]

Big win today

March 5, 2012 // 4 Comments

Yeah, I know. I can hear all y’all smart fellas now. “Come on, now, Duane, it’s just spring training. They ain’t even really trying to win. The capital of Iran and Of the Cat are just kids. Couple of bad innings. Wind was blowing out. Blah. blah, freakin blah.” Any of [...]

Duane checks in, and it ain’t a happy new year

January 6, 2012 // 0 Comments

Fellas, I’m writing with a heavy heart. And I ain’t talking about Frank Wren trying to trade away Marty Prado and JJ Jurgens for some dadgum modern-day Mike Lum. Naw. Some of you might know I was still hoping to patch things up with Brenda. (I still love ya, baby!) Looks like it [...]

Inspiration for J.D.’s diary

October 9, 2011 // 5 Comments

Sox personnel were baffled as to why J.D. Drew played so little in September with a minor knuckle fracture. I thought the BoSox braintrust was supposed to be smart. How could anyone be surprised by J.D.’s unwillingness to play through a minor [...]

Future Braves promotions

June 24, 2011 // 16 Comments

1. Bill Campbell/Munson Steed Olympic Street Vending Night. Remember during the 1996 Games, when our disgraced former mayor gave his pal a sweetheart deal to turn downtown into a giant flea market just in time for the whole world to see it? I loved the Olympics overall. It was a hell of a lot of [...]

You won’t have me to kick around anymore

March 11, 2011 // 8 Comments

Hey, y’alls. It’s Hal. Why no exclamation sensation at the end of that sentence?  Well, I have some sad news. For me, anyhow. Be that as it may — I loves that expression:) — I’m going to stay positive! Like I always do:) But might as well get to it, here, and get [...]

It’s that time again!!

March 2, 2011 // 7 Comments

Hey, fellas, and gals. Is there a form of fella to apply to the ladies? I really don’t know. My name is Hal Phellis. I’m new to this webloggin’ thing, so you guys bear with me, OK?:) First thing you need to know about me is I love my Bravos!!!! (PS I always say Bravos because [...]

JD Drew’s offseason diary returns

January 18, 2011 // 4 Comments

If you don’t have anything nice to say, might as well rip ‘ol JD: Hey fellow Christians, it’s ol’ JD. Been awhile, I know, but last time I wrote one of these my fingers got all cramped up and I couldn’t read my Bible for weeks. I got me one of them Kimbles for Christmas so now [...]

Holiday Greetings from Duane

December 20, 2010 // 1 Comment

Wassup, peeps? Man, I’m in a rough patch. Not to bore anybody too much, but I knew I never shoulda let ole Rusty Post stay at my place. He come down to LaGrange in October, told me he was down on his luck and needed a place to stay for a week or two.  Well, here we are, what — two and [...]

Michael McDonald, now on Twitter

April 6, 2010 // 4 Comments

A parody: MMcDaily Tommy Bahama Garden of Hope & Courage Short-Sleeve SALE!$78.50: http://bit.ly/d4zW3L 18 minutes ago via web I keep forgettin’ … where I put my memory pills. http://bit.ly/cVmP6S 19 minutes ago via web Yah Mo B There, but sometimes I have my doubts: [...]

Duane did a bad thing

February 26, 2010 // 5 Comments

Man, I done a bad thing. Real bad. Now I feel real bad about it. Maybe feeling bad will make me feel better. Now I ain’t making no sense, but maybe I can write a country song. Anyhoo, here’s what went down. Other day, my boss and good buddy — I live over his garage — at the [...]
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