Duane’s Harang Harangue

First off, I didn’t know there was a word that’s the same as Big Ol Hangdog Harang’s last name. Headline writers. Bunch of pointy-headed dorks.

Speaking of loser nerds, I see where the so-called sabre math geeks are crapping all over my boy Aaron Harang. Gives up too many fly balls, their computers tell em. Some of them fly balls will start landing over the fence. No way he’s “reinvented” hisself after all these years, blah, blah, blah, horseshit, dogpiss.

Listen. I thought I was done with math when I dropped out of the 9th damn grade. (Just kidding. Graduated 183rd in my class at FPHS! Go Panthers!) Point is, to hell with all these statistics like xfip and babip and dwar. Sounds like a bunch of shit from a new hobbit movie. Can’t get enough of them guys living underground, I guess. Y’all think Lemke might be a hobbit? Ha. Just joshin, Lemmer. I love ya.

So the know it all math lovers tell us Big Ol Hangdog is gonna blow up anytime now. Well, I heard Leo on the radio this morning, and Leo says it might not be so. He says when a guy rejewvanates hisself like BOH, you just never know. You keep the positive attitude that he’ll keep it up. So that’s what I’m gonna do. Stay positive.

Which ain’t always easy when you’ve been beat down by the system like me. Y’all know that my ex-wife and love of my life, Brenda, is now married to Hal, who’s become my best friend. Thing is, Hal’s a great guy, lets me come over and watch his kick ass HD with the killer cable package. We watch Braves games and UFC matches. But he can only do it when Brenda ain’t there. She plays Boggle a couple nights a week, so that’s when I slip over there. Hal’s really upbeat all the time, and he’d loan me money till Brenda got wind of it and put the kaybosh on that.

Anyhoo, I been working at a pet crematory out by Newnan. Weird shit, but hey, it’s $8 an hour. Boss is a real fussy sissy boy wears a bow tie. Says the customers deserve a professional experience. He really cares about what he calls “the experience of the bereeved.” Whatever. I like animals much as the next sumbitch, but I still says it’s a strange thing to make such a big ass deal about an old dead house cat.

Well, I say BOH will keep kickin ass, no matter what the brave knights of the spreadsheet say. Go Braves!

About these ads

5 Comments on Duane’s Harang Harangue

  1. Dirty Rhodes // April 25, 2014 at 8:52 am //

    Damn straight, Duane. Whatever happened to diggin a hole next to the big pine tree, layin Fluffy in a Red Goose box and walkin her out there all somber and readin a couple of Bible verses before you cover her up and move on? Leastways, that’s how we always did it.

  2. Harang has been a godsend. Hopefully he doesn’t go the way of Ben sheets or shane Reynolds.

  3. Why, thank you, Dirty. Are you kin to The Dream? How’s he doing?

  4. Duane, was that you I saw the other day peddling a dirtbike down the I-75 Frontage Rd on the way to the Pink Pony South?

  5. Dude, thanks for not offering me a damn ride!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 287 other followers

%d bloggers like this: