The Used Car Salesman is, surprise, a liar

After repeatedly insisting this year would be his last, the Used Car Salesman today signed a two-year extension to stay on through 2014. He’ll be making Pujols-like money – $22 million annually along with the use of a private jet.

It galls me to read otherwise intelligent baseball minds laud the commissioner. To them I ask: Is baseball better off today than it was 20 years ago, when Bud’s reign of terror began?

(reposted from ATLmalcontent, 9/12/11)

The man who’s run the sport I love into the ground must be doing so deliberately. Bud Selig isn’t baseball’s caretaker, he’s its undertaker, responsible for P.R. blunders so staggeringly ignorant they must be intentional.

The latest: disallowing Mets players from donning the caps of the NYPD, FDNY, PAPD and other first responders, as the team did 10 years ago when it returned to the field after 9/11. Then, as now, MLB said no.

Mets players, then as now, said fuck you, Bud, but this time the Used Car Salesman was prepared to squash any mutiny. According to Mets pitcher R.A. Dickey, Bud’s henchmen literally took the hats from the dugout.

What could have provoked such soulless overreaction? The bottom line, of course. The “official” American flag hats the Mets were mandated to wear, along with every other MLB team, are now available for $36.99 on the league’s official website.

To be fair, Bud needs to hoard every last cent, as he’s largely responsible for turning America’s pastime into little more than a boutique sport. Television ratings have nosedived since he took over in 1992; now the World Series barely outdraws an NFL exhibition. Attendance is also down through much of the sport, despite baseball’s dishonest calculations.

Under Bud’s watch, the owners of the Cubs, Rangers and Dodgers have declared bankruptcy. The Dodgers, once the gold standard of all professional sports franchises, have been gutted by the team’s heavily leveraged owners, who were endorsed and approved by the Used Car Salesman.

Don’t forget the cancellation of the 1994 World Series. And the steroid scandal.

He’s even partly responsible for George W. Bush’s presidency. Seriously.

Fay Vincent — baseball’s former top dog — relayed a story about how George W. wanted to succeed him as commish. Selig had apparently told Bush he would support his candidacy, but Vincent warned him not to trust Selig.

Vincent was right. Bud wanted the job for himself and the owners wanted someone who wouldn’t act independently.

Despite all evidence to the contrary, Bud claims he’s presiding over baseball’s golden age. No surprise, since shameless propaganda is the trademark of enemy agents.

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4 Comments on The Used Car Salesman is, surprise, a liar

  1. What a douchebag. Did you also notice this change to the collective bargaining agreement this year? Players wishing to change their uniform number must notify the league of their intentions prior to July of the _previous_ year. Why? Merchandising, of course. If a player wishes to change his number on short notice, that’s fine–he just has to buy up every bit of currently existing merchandise with his old number on it.

  2. the real big cat // January 12, 2012 at 8:04 pm //

    Office, it’s a like a guy I used to know used to say: If you ain’t crankin’ it, you’re yankin’ it. And Bum Selig ain’t cranked one in two decades. If he was my manager, I’d back him into the turnbuckle and smack his greasy head, then I’d throw him across the ring, and when he staggered up I’d Bum rush him like I used to do quarterbacks in the AFL. I didn’t know he put the swerve on W; you almost have to admire him for that, but then you think about where that got us. It makes you want to tie a pork chop around his neck and throw him in a cage full of pitbulls.

  3. I had hoped that maybe he would decline the offer to stay on when I saw that the owners were going to offer him an extension. I guess that was hoping a little too much…

  4. rankin' rob // January 13, 2012 at 10:03 am //

    I wish The Real Big Cat was the AJC Braves beat writer.

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