A new feature, in which readers turn to the old center fielder for advice on subjects related to baseball, life and love. But mostly baseball.
Yesterday in my company cafeteria, I saw a coworker accompanied by his wife and two sons, ages 10-12 probably. Cute kids.
However, there was a problem. Huge problem. One of the kids was wearing a Red Sox cap. Backwards, no less. This kid nor his parents is from Boston or even New England.
So upon seeing the hat, I immediately recoiled. I literally felt my stomach turn. My reptile brain, my id — is that what it’s called? — told me to go over, snatch the hat off the kid, stomp it, throw it in a garbage compactor and explain to the kid the idiocy of clothing yourself in the latest trendy garb so that you can fit amongst a crowd of superficial, weak-minded, gutless, cowardly, misguided, rootless, morally unanchored humans.
Of course, I did nothing of the kind. I seethed silently, meekly took my tray of mashed potatoes and chicken and green beans to a table, ate with colleagues and discussed the latest television entertainments.
Rowland, is there something wrong with me for feeling such rage over what I suspect is really a child’s fashion accessory?
Silently Seething, Atlanta, Ga.
Only thing I see wrong with you is you didn’t go over and do just what your lizard mind told you to do. (And, yes, that insticntual side of your brain is the id. Nice Freud reference.) If it meant physically thrashing the kid’s dad, whupping his ass, then so be it. It’s never too early to teach kids the lesson you so brilliantly spelled out.
Being a sports fan — hell, being a right-thinking, grounded citizen — is about sticking up for what is real and where you come from. It’s about believing in something. This kid don’t come from Boston. He comes from Atlanta. It ain’t about jumping on the latest bandwagon, just because you see a lot of other people doing it.
Stupid little shit stain deserved to not only have his cap forcibly removed, but he also needed a swift kick in his impressionable ass. As for his parents, they are obviously doing a poor job instilling any kind of morality and spirituality and courage in their offspring, not to mention any appreciation for geometry or theology.
So, Silently, I leave you with this. Your throught process was entirely healthy. Indeed, it was the only reaction one should expect from a thinking, feeling, spiritually and psychologically stable Braves fan. Next time, act on your impulse. Show some balls. Stand up for the home team, man!
Your friend and counselor,