Rowland's Office

The 2 Live Stews have a new syndicator, meaning more people are going to be subjected to their sophomoric cheerleading five days a week.

If you were an Arsenio Hall fan, chances are you dig the Stews. I was not. They’re neither funny nor informative, and rarely a day passes when the race card isn’t dealt. If you ever criticized Michael Vick, you are a hater. And don’t you know that black people dislike baseball? That’s conventional wisdom, via the Stews.

On the plus side, I do enjoy "Sanford and Son" trivia and their liberal use of the Florida Evans clip: "Damn, damn, damn!"

–CB

I get bored reading about the Mitchell Report. A bunch of guys cheated. Some were good. Many were not. Same thing happens in all sports, yet for some reason it’s a national disgrace when a baseball player uses drugs and no big deal when a linebacker does it.

Anyway, Tom Verducci of si.com wrote a very good summation of the whole thing. One particularly interesting nugget:

Did any player come out of this looking good?

One: Frank Thomas. SI.com had reported in October that only one active player voluntarily cooperated with Mitchell. Turns out it was the Big Hurt. One player out of an entire union. It won’t make the big guy popular at union meetings, but you have to admire Thomas for being true to his convictions.

Good for you, Frank. I heard Smoltz on the radio this morning. His comments were a bit disjointed. For one, he said he wishes his name were on the list so he could sue. Then he lamented that people will believe that all these guys definitely used something simply because it’s in print. (Peter Gammons on TV said he’s not sure all the evidence is rock solid against some players, notably Brian Roberts.) Back to Smoltzie. A minute later, when asked why we should not believe the report, he said we should believe it.

He didn’t say anything objectionable, and he’s a pitcher, not a professional talker. And in no way do I mean to imply I think he did anything wrong. I just found Smoltzie’s remarks weird. 

–CD

Admittedly, I expected to see the Old Man among those named in the Mitchell Report. David Justice surprised me; John Rocker and Gary Sheffield did not. As for the rest … who cares.

No current Braves are on the list, and that’s what matters most.

Roger Clemens is no shock, and his inclusion among the dopers confirms that Mad Dog, not Clemens, is the best pitcher of his generation.

Juley, meanwhile, remains a marvel. I’m still somewhat suspicious, but until proven otherwise all hail Franco’s "Jesus Juice."

–CB

Curious comment from Andruw during a chat with scribes in LA.

To his credit, he said nice things about the Braves. Andruw’s never been one to trash anybody. By all accounts, he’s a straight-up guy. But this one I can’t quite figure. He says he’s diagnosed his problems from last year.

Jones said he spent about a week immediately after the season looking at tapes and saw what he was doing incorrectly.

"I took my time to look at myself and see what the problem was," Jones said, explaining it was a matter of being balanced at the plate. "After two weeks, I was hitting.

"This game is mental, you’ve got to be mentally strong. Now I have a good idea of what I need to do."

If all it took was a week of watching video, where the hell was the answer last season?

In any case, no hard feelings toward Andruw. I hope he has a good year. I just wish he’d opened his laptop in late April 2007 and had a good last year with the Braves.

–CD

Like any self respecting blogger, I can’t resist kicking a franchise when it’s down.

So for fun, a quick comparison of the Braves and Falcons since the real Bobby took the helm:

• Cumulative winning percentage (1990 through today): Braves .587; Falcons .444
• Division title: Braves 14; Falcons 2
• League/conference titles: Braves 5; Falcons 1
• World Series/Super Bowl titles: Braves 1; Falcons 0
• Winning seasons: Braves: 16; Falcons 5
• Consecutive winning seasons: Braves 15; Falcons 0
• Managers/head coaches: Braves 1; Falcons 7 (including Emmitt Thomas)
• Major awards: Braves 2 MVPs, 7 Cy Youngs; Falcons 0
• Franchise players imprisoned for dogfighting: Braves 0; Falcons 1

–CD

You’re off the hook, Marion Campbell. Breathe easy, Dan Henning. All is forgiven, Jerry Glanville.

Compared to Bobby Petrino, you’re Bill Walsh, Chuck Noll and Don Shula.

A day after assuring Arthur Blank he was staying in Atlanta, Petrino informed the Falcons, by phone, that he was taking another job. Classy.

But what else would you expect from a guy who stabbed Tommy Tuberville in the back, working behind the scenes to replace the man who had hired him a few years earlier. The same guy who tells the media he’s named a new starting quarterback before he informs the old one of his decision.

Petrino knew what he was getting into, having served as QB coach and offensive coordinator of the Jacksonville Jaguars for four years. The NFL experience wasn’t foreign to him.

He leaves behind a coaching staff that, save for his brother and a few others, will likely not be following him to Fayetteville. Screw you, Hue Jackson. Good luck, Mike Zimmer. You should’ve known it’s all about Bobby Petrino.

I’m glad to see the humorless prick leave. Moreoever, I’m glad Arthur Blank didn’t end up buying the Braves, because his personnel moves thus far have been disastrous.

–CB

If Andruw plays like other prominent free agents who’ve left the Bravos, Dodgers owner Frank McCourt in a couple years will wish he had his $36.2 million back.

In most cases, the Braves have been right to let guys walk. Considering the performance of the player who left and their Atlanta replacements, and finances, about the only prominent free agents whom JS might have regretted not re-signing were Sheffield, Maddux and Glavine. Even those are not clear cut cases.

Let’s start, though, with the long list of non-signings that have worked for the home team.

Unlike Andruw, Jeff Blauser posted big numbers in his walk year as a Brave. He had career bests in batting average — .308, nearly 50 points better than his lifetime mark — and home runs, with 17. He then signed a two-year, $8 million deal with the Cubs, good money at the time. Smart move to let the one-time Bill James favorite go. In two post-Braves seasons, Blaus hit .219 and .240 and a combined 13 homers and 52 RBI. His major league career was over at 33.

Like Blauser, Mike Remlinger parlayed success on Hank Aaron Drive into large sacks of cash from the Little Bears. Similarly, it worked out well for the Bravos. Remmy, of couorse, had four superb seasons as a lefty set-up man here, reviving a mediocre career as a starter. After crafting a 1.99 ERA in 68 relief innings here in 2002, Mike signed a three-year, $10 million deal with Chicago and put up ERAs of 3.65, 3.44 and 6.58. His innings pitched plunged from 69 his first season at Wrigley to the 30s the next two seasons. Advantage Braves for not spending the money on him. Can you say Ron Mahay?

Moving behind the plate, Javy had a monster contract year in 2003: 43 HR, 109 RBI, a .328 average, all career bests. Peter Angelos and the Orioles shelled out $22.5 million to bring the then 33-year-old Lopez to Camden Yards. He had one good year but slipped quickly and was released in the third year of the deal. It was sad to see Javy go, but it again proved to be the right move. We did OK behind the plate in 2004 and ‘05, and didn’t have Javy’s contract. Brian McCann has since emerged as a star. 

The most grotesque bust in this group is Russ Ortiz. It was an easy call not to re-up him after he collapsed in the second half of 2004. Yet the D’backs were apparently fooled by his 15-9 record that season. They inexplicably gave him $33 million and he proceeded to make just 28 starts for Arizona before they released him. Post Braves, Ortiz was 7-22 with ERAs of 5.51 and up.

J.D. Drew has not fared as badly. Nevertheless, who among us wishes he were still here, sucking $14 million a year from the club for the sort of uneven performances he’s put up in LA and Boston? Francoeur is a fine player who will get better. Again, no contest. Letting Drew go was the right move.

Similar story with Furcal. Raffy hasn’t played horribly in LA, though he had a down year in 2007 — hitting .270 with a .333 OBP and just 25 steals, all big drops from 2006. The point here is that the Braves have paid Renteria less than half of Furcal’s $13 mill-a-year Dodgers salary and gotten two glittering seasons. Now, Yesco looks like a supernova ready to explode.   

On to the close calls. Sheff left for Yankee dollars the Braves simply could not match. So there was not much of a decision for JS and the brass. Sheffield had a fantastic year for the home nine in 2003, then had two excellent seasons before slipping the past couple years.

Would the Braves have been better off signing Maddux to a three-year, $24 million deal after 2003? Probably. But he has not been stellar. In those 3 seasons, the Cubs paid that for a pitcher who went 44-37 with ERAs ranging from 4.02 to 4.24. Maybe if he stays we would not have had Hudson, who has been better.

The picture is similar for Glavine. After going 18-11, 2.96 in 2002, Tommy went to Flushing for four years, $43 mill. We will never know what really happened between him and JS and Kasten back then. As a Met, Tommy was 61-56 with ERAs from 3.53 to 4.52. It’s hard to know, but I suspect had he stayed in Atlanta, he would have pitched better in 2003 then he did in New York. He was pretty good the next three years. Paying him that kind of money over those years might not have been the best investment for the Braves. Then again, if we had Tommy last year, we might well have made the playoffs. 

I’m probably forgetting someone. But the Braves seldom lost a player they wanted in the free-spending ’90s and since the purse strings have tightened we’ve been mostly smart and probably a little lucky. We’ll see how it turns out with Andruw. For now, I say we are wise to let someone else pay him $18 million per, especially if Jordan Schafer is for real.

–CD

Of course not. Air America co-founder Sheldon Drobny makes a ridiculously uninformed argument in favor, predictably assuming the cliche of patronizing white liberal.

There are many cultures in the world that accept and promote cruelty to animals. In some countries of Hispanic origin, bullfighting is promoted as a national sport. And dogs are eaten in some Asian countries. It is my understanding that dog fighting is part of the African-American culture despite the fact that it is a federal crime. That does not make it right, but it does explain in part Vick’s participation in this event.

Wrong. It’s not a black or white thing — dogfighting is a rural activity, enjoyed by rednecks (or thugs, take your pick) of both races. And Vick didn’t just watch a few dog fights; he participated in the torture and murder of canines.

Vick is no victim. Despite what out-of-town media outlets like ESPN report, Atlanta is not divided by race — conflicted, perhaps, but no more than anywhere else. Certainly a pocket of bigots exist who will never cotton to the idea of a black quarterback, but overall Vick was treated with kid gloves, by the media and the fans — even when his performance on the field didn’t warrant it. Compare him to model citizen Donovan McNabb, who took his team to a Super Bowl but is regularly excoriated by the Philly faithful.

Mike Vick had it all, and he gave it away. No one took it from him. He’s an adult. Who’s to say he wasn’t the bad influence — just because he’s a sports star, everyone assumes his childhood friends brought him down. Maybe it was the reverse, I don’t know.

There’s plenty of people to feel sorry for — plenty of poor black people who never got the opportunities that Michael Vick received. His plight is a sad one, but I’ll let the starfuckers waste their pity on Vick.

–CB

We’ve listed the best and worst seasons by Atlanta Braves. Today we give you some of the strangest years authored by members of the home town nine.

As one might expect from a guy who spent 20 years pitching for mostly dreadful teams, a couple of these seasons involve Knucksie. In 1967, the club’s second season in the Southland, Philip fashioned a stellar but odd campaign: 11-9, a sparkling 1.87 ERA. He started 20 games and finished 20. Just 10 were complete games however. He also had nine saves.

Eight years later, in 1979, Knucksie had the year that perhaps best symbolizes his Atlanta career. He went 21-20 in a Herculean 44 starts, completing 23 of them. That came during a four-year stretch in which Niekro was 71-76 but never had an ERA above the league average. I don’t think another Brave ever won 20 and lost 20 in a season.

Next, another Office favorite, Otis Nixon. In 1999, a 40-year-old Otis (who looked 60 when he was 25, so who knew) returned to the scene of his greatest glory and swiped 26 bags despite getting only 31 hits. That was a .205 batting average. Not sure if there’s a stat on the ratio of stolen bases to hits, but I doubt anyone has ever stolen more bases on so few hits. I don’t recall, but O might have done a lot of pinch running that year.

Another man whose first name starts with an O — how’s that for a transition? — had a strange season in 1972. The forgettable backup outfielder Oscar Brown had but four walks in 168 plate appearances, hitting .226 with a .244 on base percentage. 

In 1966, Tony Cloninger, who pitched all 13 innings of a 3-2 loss to the Pirates in the franchise’s first game in Atlanta, knocked in an astonishing 23 runs as a pitcher. He also hit five homers. He never drove home more than 8 in another season. As far as I can tell, no Atlanta pitcher ever had more RBI in a season. Of course, Tony piled up 8 RBI in one game in ‘66 when he clubbed two grand slams against the Giants.

Remember Boever the Saver? Is saver really a word? I guess savior would’ve sounded too religious. I mean, who’d want to worship a mediocre relief pitcher? Anyway, in 1989 Boever had a team-leading 21 saves but an unsightly 4-11 record. Hard to figure.

Other notables:

• The Smiths Zane and Pete in 1989 were a combined 6-26
• The prior year, no Brave starting pitcher had a winning record. No wonder on a team that went 54-106.
• In 1976, Jim Wynn hardly needed a bat. The so-called Toy Cannon pulled the rare feat of amassing more strikeouts (111) and walks (127) than hits (93). I couldn’t find another example of an Atlanta Brave doing that.

–CD